I am in the in-between hour of my 2 lame-o classes. I highly detest that I am in school. I feel it (the institution) is taunting me and laughing. Its like I've been stuck in a circus fun house and the clowns have been laughing. "ha, ha!!" they say. "you've been here going on 6 years!!! You'll NEVER leave." When I do get out I plan to become famous.

I am currently taking applications for early signature requests. If you'd like a signature please send your name and address to: loralboxer@yahoo.com

Thank you very much.

....i think i'm going INSANE.

i never think i'm going to write in this thing and then i always do.

There are too many changes going on in my life at once:
new car
new roommate
new job
no sleep
no boyfriend
no money

BLAH

Tomorrow I get a Toyota which is good considering the bus system has been failing me for the past couple of days. The Toyota is being given to me...compliments of a generous friend who is moving to New York and has no need for it.

I have been thinking about the following:
Where is the line between being self-respectfully protective of one's "secrets" and being a closed person? I think I am too open with others that I have not established a trust with.
Maybe I just need to shut up.

Life has been different lately in that I'm spending most of my time by myself.

We're all just here, alone. Why do we have such a strong need to be validated by the prescence of others? This girl who studies chakras and was my waitress told me that all that my soul really wants is to be told "hello". It's simple, but I think there's truth in it. We just want to be acknowledged. But why????

No one reads this anyway. It is 7:00. I have an hour long "break" at "work" which means I find stuff to do while I don't get paid.

I've been in a pretty bad mood all day. I realized my happiness is based on an imaginative reality I've created for myself based on what might be rather than what is. I hate looking life in the face but that's what I'm having to do right now.

Went to California. Drove down the Pacific Coast Highway and almost reached ecstasy. Now back in the lushiously green Midwest, resuming my normal activities. I'm going to apply for a second job so that I'll have more money to take more vacations (and to pay for the ones I've already went on). I slept 2 nights in my rental car. If I get a second job then I'll be able to afford a real bed and a shower when I go on these trips.

Today I woke up to a call from one of my best friends in Holland. She's coming back to Missouri soon and I have a plot to make her become my new roommate. My sister is moving out soon because she found a much cheaper place right next to her place of employment.

I am finally starting to like my neighborhood. Part of this is due to the fact that I've been enjoying the flat roof of the apartment building. I like looking at the downtown buildings at night - all lit up and vacant. Its inspiring.

Well, the great debate: to take the bus to work and leave early or to get a ride from my grammer correcting friend. I seem to be talking a lot today so I better stick to the bus where i can talk good.


ha ha ha.

I'll fit in with all the others who can talk good too.


Going to California in a week. Trying to find a cheap ride to San Fran from L.A. Cheap as in $5 or something. HA! That's not going to happen.

I come to work at 3:30 but my Thursday students are horrible at remembering their lessons...so I don't have students until 5:00. I get paid to dink around for 1.5 hours.

Tonight the band is testing out a new drummer. Should be fun/interesting.

I have several gigs this weekend. Sascha and I are going to play on the plaza tomorrow for money... We can make $50/hour. The money will be used to spay Mamma (my cat) who is constantly in heat.

I am obsessed with cats. I really am. Perhaps that's why I have 4. Yesterday Clinton, the black cat, was so angry that I put him outside on the porch that he broke through the screen window to get in and then sat at my feet, growling with his ears back.He leaped onto my chest and clawed down me as I stood there in disbelief. Then he had the gall to rub up against the pedal organ, acting as if nothing had happened. My thing is, he's living with me for FREE so he should have some appreciation that every month I spend $30 on expensive cat food with the best taste and nutrients!!! But NOOO! He has to act up every time he doesn't get his way!!! What to do...what to do.

i had a dream that a 4 foot tall Barbara Walters married Pres. Bush.

I also cheated on the crossword puzzle today.

I am currently wearing a purple shirt with tourquoise stars and swirls and paslies....I feel so 80s. Hmmm..

I've recently discovered that I have an interest in fashion. Whenever I get my New Yorker I tend to skip the political articles and go straight to reading about how Prada designs hand bags. I don't know why I am drawn to this.

All this to say, I've given up on being angry about politics. I get so angry at the Bush Admin every time I read about it, so I skip to the crossword puzzle. I can't wait to vote in this next election. I vote in every election - just because I think its a good habit. But usually I vote on small city issues. I can't wait to vote for the president. It will be the first president I vote for.

I have found myself with a lot of free time. Its Great!

I just got back from Maui yesterday. It was paradise. I am glad I didn't die on the way there/back which I was worried about being that areodynamics are a mystery to me. It feels as though at any moment the plane could lose power and drop and crash. I am very good at imagining various crash scenerios while on board.

I saw Mount Haleahkala - an "active" volcano (although it hasn't spewed lava for 200 years.) I also drove through the rain forest. It rained in the rain forest while I was going through it which I thought was very appropriate.

We stayed not in a hotel but in a "villa" right on the ocean. It had a private beach and several pools. It was very luxurious and relaxing, but I need to get stressed out for another 23 years before I feel deserving of revisiting again.

2 muffins and 2 small cups of coffee: $15.36

Gas: $2.90/gal (and that's the cheap kind)

Thank you to Paige and Family for a great vacation!

I had dental work done earlier and it took 2 hours to do one filling. I was starting to get impatient because my dentist would do a little work on me and then leave for 10 minutes and then come back and do a little more work and then leave again. (repeat) I was stuck there for several minutes with various metal devices stuck between my teeth and cotton balls in my gums and rubber squares you bite on to keep your mouth open. Then I realized she was working on 3 people at the same time, and rotating between patients. Is that sanitary???

I only have to go back for one more filling then I'll go elsewhere for additional dental work.

I plan to go to California June 30th-July 6th. I want to go to San Franscisco and L.A.

Today I'm primarily working on putting together a mother's day present.

Last night was the first night in a while that I was able to sleep. It has finally hit me that I'm really almost out of school. I'm going to have so much time to do projects and fun things! YAY! I wrote a piece for violin and cello. I think I'm going to write more and compile them into a violin/cello duet book for "sombre" occasions. I like all the medieval-type sounds.

Sascha and I are going to begin writing our pedagogical series for stringed instruments.

I plan on selling my projects. If I fail I will go back to school (BLAH!) or get a "real" job (blah!).

The "band" got together last night to practice. It is a long process to write these songs b/c we always go back and change things. I enjoy the process though.

I watched Mary Tyler Moore on the Craig Kilborn show, hoping to hear/see Steve who was an audience member. Unfortunately there was no recollection of his prescence.

Last night friends got together in Sascha and Pat's backyard. We ended up doing cartwheels and yoga poses and being there until 5 a.m. I don't think I'll ever be able to perfect the standing tree pose - especially when the standing tree pose sits down. Derek and Megan enjoyed pushing us girls over once we had gotten into our positions. I really liked doing the rabbit.

Today I'm quasi-helping Mollie do wedding arrangements. The only one we have left is "Cowboy Take Me Away!"

All of my friends think I'm a dork for being so excited about my blog.

I decided that I am too judgmental so I'm trying to work on that. Now I'm judging others for being judgmental. An Endless Cycle...

18 minutes ago I finished these hellish finals.

Ask me anything about Rome, the history of the world, Western Civilization, or New America Cinema passed 1967. But you must hurry and ask now or forever hold your peace b/c I will forget all within a week and go back to NORMAL.

I feel like Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings when she got real big upon seeing the ring. I feel so full of knowledge and power!!!

So, I'm a little weird right now due to lack of sleep and lots of coffee. Most people say this and they've had like 3 cups and have gotten 6 hours of sleep. But I've gotten like 10 hours of sleep in 3 nights and have not stopped drinking coffee.

Believe me.

9 more days till Maui.

Just have to get through the next free days...THEN I'LL BE FREE!

Maui will be nice.
----an understatement

It's been a great weekend so far. I should be stressed out and studying for finals, but instead I'm running around with my old friend Maran Kunkel. She runs a music school in Rochester. She's the "director" and when things go wrong she tells people, "Hey, I'm only 24."

Last night we saw Waterdeep at the New Earth Coffeehouse - it's a great venue, somewhere I've been going to since I was 16. I loved the show - stayed for 4 hours and had to leave due to SEVERE fatigue.

So we left and crashed. I woke up at 2 a.m. to find Paige standing in my kitchen. She and Megan had gone to a "costume party" of sorts which is why she was wearing fishnets and Megan was running around in bathrobe holding a rubber ducky. Apparently they gotten into an accident (some guys hit 'em on the front side panel). It was totally the guys' fault, but Megan and Paige had to stand out in the rain with the police wearing their "outfits". They made it clear to the officers that "they don't normally dress that way" which went down in the police report, apparently.

I have a wedding to play tonight - and then I'm going to look up world history terms.

Oh, another show that ROCKED: the hearers...9 guys playing various things on stage...loved the lap steel. The bass player in my band IN THE PINES plays in that band. I haven't heard a local show THAT good in a long time.

Speaking of IN THE PINES - we recorded our first song ever last week - kinda an anti-war ballad, thick with Strings and guitars. Because of the apparent goodness of that recording we've gotten our first gig: at the Empire room in June.
Hopefully dad can visit then, so he can hear us play!

There seems to be this new trend: back fat for young women. It sounds gross, it looks gross, it IS gross.
Everywhere I go, I see otherwise attractive girls/young women wearing jeans that are REALLY tight at the hips and LOW on the waste. Then, they wear an equally tight shirt that refuses to cover their belly button. Both the tightness and lack of length in both the shirt and the pants creates a tire of fat across their midsection. I think forced bulge that otherwise would not be there is GROSS.

Why is this a trend?
Do other people think its not GROSS?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY?!?!?!

Last night Paige and Jeremy came over to hang out with Megan and I. We drank Green Tea and talked about the creepies we see daily in Wesport. The most interesting character we have dubbed as flute-boy - this young hairbanger guy who is into metal ...and the flute...and playing metal with his flute. He screams metal lyrics into the mouthpiece of his flute and sound comes out. This guy is always loud and obnoxious and can be seen "playing" the flute in businesses such as Luybens music or Vulcan's Forge Jewlers between hollaring to customers that he knows his key signatures.
"C MAJOR - NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!" -he pulls out his flute, plays horrible interlude.
"G MAJOR ----JUST....ONE....SHARP".
"D MAJOR ----TWO SHARPS!!!"

Megan told this story about how he made up a rap that went:

I have a hard life
I can't get a wife.....

and he kept rhyming life and wife...

This GUY IS WEIRD.

If you are in Westport and know who I'm talking about you probably have your own story to tell.

Anyway, today I'm going to teach and then study. I have to set up a recital date for my students. I'm tired of history. Why do I have to take these classes that have nothing to do with music?

I am going to get on my bike and ride it to Paige's. The problem is - in this city people are not sympathetic to bikers...they like to run you off the road. So biking is supposed to be this somewhat fun, pleasant experience, but its not b/c people are angry that you aren't going as fast as their car is going. I try to stay out of the way of cars and let them pass me. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO RUDE??? Whenever I get to Paige's I have to cool off in her front yard b/c I am so mad at PEOPLE! AND CARS! AND HORNS!

Just thinking about it is frustrating....

One other thing I'm going to mention:
An old friend of mine is getting married next week. Her soon-to-be husband is leaving for Iraq the week after they have the ceremony and her dad just died a few nights okay. I guess he got crushed by a large truck.
I have not called her or sent a card or anything because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY! Her and I are not close now...but we grew up together and I was invited to play in her wedding.